I'll Bing Ya Later
Some men rise above the establishment as an idol, nay, almost a god-like being, a slap in the face to modern-day ho-humness. Some men have shamen climbing down from upon mount high to bless the ground they walk on. Some men have women flocking to heave their funbagos for gazing and are willing to give their mind, body and soul to this person.
There are some men out there like this ... Bing is not one of these men.
Granted, it's not a slight against him. There are few men like that. Just because I'm one doesn't mean that he has to be ... I kid, I kid.
All my friends are worried and anxious to see what I write about them, mainly because I have the best memory out of all of them and I can tell it like it is. Also, there are a LOT of things that my friends don't know that I know, on top of what they DO know that I know, you know what I mean? But I digress ...
The first time I met this man called Bing was back in college. We were doing a show together. Well, that's only part right. I'll explain. I was sitting in the audience, waiting for my time to go up on stage, talking to Lunchbox (more on him later). I see this incredibly-gifted-in-the-joy-zone girl on stage cleaning with this funny-looking guy right behind her. Not funny, just funny looking. You know what I mean.
These two were constantly arguing. I mean, they would fight about anything. Usually, it was Bing's fault (like AIDS, world hunger, that sort of thing, but I didn't know it at the time). I was baffled why Chesty McBigbreasts was with this guy. Oh well, who was I to say anything.
Now, let me set the scene for you. I was a young'un at the time. I came from a small town and really didn't know anyone yet. So when I get invited to a party at Eunice's (more on HER later) I jumped on the opportunity. The party was at her on-campus apartment ... it's all down hill from here folks.
I walk in and I know some of the people there. None of the cool people, I might add. I was working on that. I grab this chair and a beer and just sit back to relax.
"Yo man, you drinking Coors Light?"
"Yep," I said.
"Aight, cool."
The person speaking to me was the guy dating Gawdbig Titties. Now, there was the chair I was sitting in, a plastic tupperware container in the middle and another chair beside it. The chair I wasn't occupying was taken by someone else, so this guy sits on the container.
We shoot the shit, talking about Star Wars, computers, video games and even more technical geeky stuff that alone should have kept us as virgins for the rest of our lives. He says to me, "Man, I've got to take a piss, I'll be back."
Quick wit? Maybe. Who knows? "Bet you can't hold it in."
"What?"
"I said I bet you can't hold it in."
Now, granted, this is childish, I will admit that freely. But after riding on the Silver Bullet for awhile, you take risks and challenges like that, because we feel that your manhood's at stake.
"How much do you bet me I can hold it?"
"I'll give ya a dollar."
"For how long?"
"You can keep the dollar if you win."
"No, dumbass, how long do I have to hold it in."
"I don't know, ten minutes?"
So, there we sit. Two grown men, one trying desperately not to tinkle in his tidy whities and the other making all kinds of water noises, trying to mess with him just enough.
Honestly, I don't remember who won. What happened was that, because of that night, this guy and I formed a bond that I'm still surprised is intact.
Years later, after many a night with others in the group (much more on them later), we decide to move in together. He was tired of living with him mom and dad (he was like 26 at the time) and I needed a place to stay. So 725-A was born.
Now, if you read Bing's blog, you read the part about me "cheating" at video games. Let's talk about that for a minute. There's no such thing as a clean fight. You don't get points for style. You get points from whooping someone's ass. So while he's jumping all over the screen, trying to be all stylish and whatnot, I'm sitting there hitting the same button over and over because it worked. Who can fault me for that???
The inevitable day finally came when Bing moved out. You have to understand something, as much as we love each other (like family, asshole, not THAT way like some of our other friends) we did get into fights. We were young and we were both Alpha males. It's like putting Bush and Michael Moore as roommates ... sooner or later something's going to happen. It was a good move, as it kept us as friends. He's still a loser for moving out, but that's him ...
I will say this: There are few guys out there you can point out and say if I'm going into battle and I know that I might not come back, I'm taking him. Bing is that guy. Bing and I have been through hell and back and have the scars both physically and mental to prove them. He's my brother and I'll always love him. He pisses me off all the damned time, but I still love him. I dunno, he does have a cute ass though ... uh, at least that's what the girls used to say ... granted, that was like ten years ago, but still ...
KING FRANK OUT
There are some men out there like this ... Bing is not one of these men.
Granted, it's not a slight against him. There are few men like that. Just because I'm one doesn't mean that he has to be ... I kid, I kid.
All my friends are worried and anxious to see what I write about them, mainly because I have the best memory out of all of them and I can tell it like it is. Also, there are a LOT of things that my friends don't know that I know, on top of what they DO know that I know, you know what I mean? But I digress ...
The first time I met this man called Bing was back in college. We were doing a show together. Well, that's only part right. I'll explain. I was sitting in the audience, waiting for my time to go up on stage, talking to Lunchbox (more on him later). I see this incredibly-gifted-in-the-joy-zone girl on stage cleaning with this funny-looking guy right behind her. Not funny, just funny looking. You know what I mean.
These two were constantly arguing. I mean, they would fight about anything. Usually, it was Bing's fault (like AIDS, world hunger, that sort of thing, but I didn't know it at the time). I was baffled why Chesty McBigbreasts was with this guy. Oh well, who was I to say anything.
Now, let me set the scene for you. I was a young'un at the time. I came from a small town and really didn't know anyone yet. So when I get invited to a party at Eunice's (more on HER later) I jumped on the opportunity. The party was at her on-campus apartment ... it's all down hill from here folks.
I walk in and I know some of the people there. None of the cool people, I might add. I was working on that. I grab this chair and a beer and just sit back to relax.
"Yo man, you drinking Coors Light?"
"Yep," I said.
"Aight, cool."
The person speaking to me was the guy dating Gawdbig Titties. Now, there was the chair I was sitting in, a plastic tupperware container in the middle and another chair beside it. The chair I wasn't occupying was taken by someone else, so this guy sits on the container.
We shoot the shit, talking about Star Wars, computers, video games and even more technical geeky stuff that alone should have kept us as virgins for the rest of our lives. He says to me, "Man, I've got to take a piss, I'll be back."
Quick wit? Maybe. Who knows? "Bet you can't hold it in."
"What?"
"I said I bet you can't hold it in."
Now, granted, this is childish, I will admit that freely. But after riding on the Silver Bullet for awhile, you take risks and challenges like that, because we feel that your manhood's at stake.
"How much do you bet me I can hold it?"
"I'll give ya a dollar."
"For how long?"
"You can keep the dollar if you win."
"No, dumbass, how long do I have to hold it in."
"I don't know, ten minutes?"
So, there we sit. Two grown men, one trying desperately not to tinkle in his tidy whities and the other making all kinds of water noises, trying to mess with him just enough.
Honestly, I don't remember who won. What happened was that, because of that night, this guy and I formed a bond that I'm still surprised is intact.
Years later, after many a night with others in the group (much more on them later), we decide to move in together. He was tired of living with him mom and dad (he was like 26 at the time) and I needed a place to stay. So 725-A was born.
Now, if you read Bing's blog, you read the part about me "cheating" at video games. Let's talk about that for a minute. There's no such thing as a clean fight. You don't get points for style. You get points from whooping someone's ass. So while he's jumping all over the screen, trying to be all stylish and whatnot, I'm sitting there hitting the same button over and over because it worked. Who can fault me for that???
The inevitable day finally came when Bing moved out. You have to understand something, as much as we love each other (like family, asshole, not THAT way like some of our other friends) we did get into fights. We were young and we were both Alpha males. It's like putting Bush and Michael Moore as roommates ... sooner or later something's going to happen. It was a good move, as it kept us as friends. He's still a loser for moving out, but that's him ...
I will say this: There are few guys out there you can point out and say if I'm going into battle and I know that I might not come back, I'm taking him. Bing is that guy. Bing and I have been through hell and back and have the scars both physically and mental to prove them. He's my brother and I'll always love him. He pisses me off all the damned time, but I still love him. I dunno, he does have a cute ass though ... uh, at least that's what the girls used to say ... granted, that was like ten years ago, but still ...
KING FRANK OUT
posted by King Frank at 4:04 AM
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